Hi there tubmlr. It’s been a while, hasn’t it?
Well, this fatty is still a fatty. In fact I gained quite a bit over the last few months, (went all the way back up to 211, my-oh-my) but I’ve been back on the path of health and that’s sent me scuttling back here. I’m back down to 204, and feeling fine about it, falling back into good habits, doing it as I always have; portion control and balanced meals.
But the thing is, what I really want to talk about, is just how easy it is to slip back. I maintained my 60 pound loss for 3 years. 3 years. Without even thinking about it. I went up 5 pounds, went down 5 pounds, but stayed steadily around 185/190 for 3 years. Then suddenly a few months ago I went up, and up, and up, until suddenly I was eating the way I used to. Mindlessly, without thought or care, whenever and whatever I wanted.
I stopped caring. I could blame it on a number of things. I was in an unhealthy relationship. I was trying to figure out if I want to switch careers. I was wondering if I should leave Paris. But I’ve been more stressed, and reacted similarly, but not to such extremes.
It is terrifying how easy it is to just stop caring for yourself, to switch off. But anyway, I’ve reeled it back in, I think about what I eat again, I enjoy it, I will be fine, I will fit back into my skinny jeans in a month or two. But it was deeply unpleasant to revert back, to feel rolls where I hadn’t had rolls in years, to have to put away trusty blouses because they now hug my hips uncomfortably. I wish I had the magic answer, but I don’t think there is one. I’ll try and come back to blogging. I miss you guys.